The Final Countdown

Sadly, the NSCC 2008 season is officially over. For the first time ever we have a repeat champ. Give it up for John Simpkins! After a grueling match to the death, John has triumphed and beat all odds. Did anyone even notice him sneak up in rank this season. That dude came out of no where!

They say that all good things must come to an end. And I say that all good things come with a straw and a lime.

The summer of shenanigans and debauchery was a good one, and I have to say, we've really stuck with this croquet thing. We've played through flash floods and mosquitos, for the love of the game. Croquet is our common denominator, and I already cant wait until next year!

Top 5:

1. Tashina's idea for a portable girls pisser next year.

2. Mike G. and me rockin' out to Guns n' Roses on my cell phone.

3. Ricky yells "watch out!", while John Simpkins walks right through the blast zone yelling "what did I miss!?", and then gets hit by the ball.

4. The awards ceremony (Should we keep this a tradition?)

5. The cluster fuck of people at the wicket mound.

Bonus Top 5:

6. Peeing in the tree with Naomi and Steph.

7. I spelled wrangler wrong on Jake's button.

8. Most talkative Temechin getting his 1st point by poison wicket kill on Mike G.

9. Phil apologizing to everyone as he knocked them over in the chicken fight.

10. The first two-peat in NSCC history by Mr. John Simpkins, defender of the year.

Tip of the Week:

According to the rules you can wicket kill on any wicket in ANY game, it's a matter of ethics or pride or whatever to not do it. Should there be a referendum on this? And then Boyd said, read the fucking rules and remember them! So Im assuming rule shit still needs tuning.

Slogan of the Week:

"I got so hot pounding that pole" - Julie

Hero of the Week:

Eric and Nate for the beer run.

Douche-Bag of the Week:

Red for killing Chachi, when all Chach needed was 1 point to beat John. (I think we all felt Chachi's frustration!)

That Ain't Right!: By Carly

"I have a few, most important, Frankey killin' me AGAIN, running out of beer, the bathrooms being locked, and kevin getting a head lamp for the last game and moving it right before someone would take their shot."

Lets Get O.G.:

"Wow, I remember coming to this park back when I was young and wholesome." - Jeff Orr

and Nate's new ride is pretty O.G.

I've heard a rumor of a game next week for fun. Sounds pretty awesome. I think as long as the weather stays dry, we have a good shot a few more games.

I just want to thank everyone for their continued contributions to a great season. Thanks for the beer and thanks for putting your two cents into the blog.

A special thank you goes out to Dave Simpkins. Without Dave, we wouldn't have mallets, courses, or a website. His commitment to the league is outstanding!

One last food for thought; we came, we played, John conquered. 

...to be continued in 2009 bitches!

Me So Horny

You can't have a poster with 2 Live Crew on it and not name your blog "Me So Horny", right?

For those of you not familiar with the word... Horn-y; adjective (horn-i-er, horn-i-est); 1. of or resembling horn: a horny beak / horny nails; hard and rough: horny, dry skin; 2. informal feeling or arousing sexual excitement; Derivatives; horn-i-ness (noun).

Show of hands for cro-horny? Maybe cro-corny?

Top 5:

1. Boyd's Swifer Wifer

2. Dartmouth Triple D's (I heart you Eric!)

3. Dave says, BUY YOUR TICKETS FOR BEER FEST ON SATURDAY!!!

4. Savannah, spreadin' um for Krisha.

5. Who is she (Tashina) playing with? She might just be a league of her own!

Tip of the Week:

AJ "3 Shakes and a 90 degree angle" (New nickname? "Downtown AJ Brown", write that down)

Slogan of the Week:

"You've got to kick it with your heart" (Carly) "...and sole" (Frankey)

Lets Get O.G.:

Did we play here last year?????

Hero of the Week:

Shane for supplying the ALL DUDE half time.

Douche-Bag of the Week:

Shane said Mike G. and Poops. Don't argue, just let it happen.

Where's Chachi?:

Waxing his vagina in Broomfield somewhere. (Whoa low blow)

Things I Shouldn't have Overheard:

"I'm the backstop, not the basket." -Dave Simpkins, followed by the girls chanting "clench it, clench it!"

Obscure Misc.

WTF? We played mosquito last week!

Shout Outs:

Happy Anniversary Savannah and Red!

Cro-Nominations:

Dave nominated me as the "Ministry of Information". I accept, and I'm hiring John Simpkins as my speech writer.

Hey guys, I hope you all had a really kick ass season. I know I did!

Next week is the last blog of the season. Although we've been doing the community blogs, I think I might make next week's a "best of".

Also, everyone please STICK AROUND after next weeks game! Im working on getting Mike G. to finish the player cards, Boyd and I have a super cool surprise, and there WILL be chicken fighting. 

So remember your helmet, and tell your sweetheart that you'll be home late... and drunk.

Whole Lotta Love

I never got the chance last week to write anything, and am currently fighting with my kitten over the poster. Damn, she loves paper. Last weeks game was sort of bittersweet because it marked the end of parks being called for games. It seems as though this season flew by when it was barely getting good!

Next week (Or should I say tomorrow night) is at Anderson Park on 23rd and Clay, and the week after that is our season close at Wolff Park. I think we should call a bbq for that game, of course all byo.

Top 4:

1. Mike G.'s run from poisons to poison.

2. Chris Red dedicated his win to Savannah!

3. The horizontal 8 wicket game. Apparently Jake & Marika's course not only had a wicket in the side of the tree, they also discovered at the very end, that there where only 8 wickets in play.

4. Nate's stealth kamikaze.

Slogan of the Week:

"My mouth tastes like a department store"

Hero of the Week:

Tashina for getting the bug spray, and Dee for texting in the 38 cents/gal premium gas at 38th & pierce. Someone got fired that night!

Douche-bag of the Week:

The mosquitos, Red crossed out to look like Boyd and then vetoed, and Deme for spraying bug spray in everyone's beer.

That Sounds Good!: By Tashina

Pissin' at my house at half time.

Things I Shouldn't have Overheard:

"I've thought about smothering him in his sleep... I mean... smothering him with love."

Balls of the Week:

We weren't sure what Jake meant by wanting to add this category, so after a silly conversation with Shane, we decided that Shane has the balls of the week.

Where's Amber?:

Mowing the lawn in one way or another.

Where's Mikey?:

Laying the pipe.

Which brings us to the Tip of the Week:

You've got to dig the grass to lay the pipe.

Don't know how that all happened, but you can probably blame Carly. Just kidding, it was all in good fun. See you all next week!

Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town

So I'm gonna roll everything into one gigantic email here. We'll start off with the top 5, which I'll be doing for Jess this week since she had to miss the game yesterday. Let's call it...

Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town

Despite an email exchange in which remembering to bring a pen was mentioned a dozen times, I forgot to bring a pen. So everything here is what we jotted down into Deme's iPhone, which I'm going to nominate as hero of the week. Those things are frickin' cool.

Top 5

- Eric's wrap around in which his ball stayed put but his mallet went through the wicket and got stuck.
- The poison battle starting at 8:30
- Dave jumping booty ass naked into the swimming pool with no water
- Cancer wicket

- The street light working

Tip 'O the week: picking up wickets doesn't mean just throwing them at the bag.

Douche bag of the week: Mike for offering a dollar to anyone who could hit Trece with their ball.
Also, I don't think he ever payed up for his 1$ offers to "dong" the pole.

So I know this is a pretty feeble Top 5, and I apologize. Next time maybe I'll remember a pen.

Onward and upward-

Game winners and such
I was the big winner of the night, outshooting or outlasting John, Josh, Carly and Tim. Carly and John both also got wicket kills. I'm calling Mosquito park for Tuesday, but before that, Josh and Phil are gonna host a tournament this Sunday at their new place. The address is 7733 w 95th dr. Hopefully that map is right, because google maps is acting real squirrely about it. If you get lost, call somebody.We'll tap the keg around noon, and start up the game around 1:00. Probably $5 as usual.

Standings

So I was also asked to send out the standings since we're heading into the home stretch here, with only three games left.

John - 11 points
Deme - 10 points
Josh - 10 points
Dave - 8 points
Kevin - 7 points
Boyd - 7 points
Eric - 6 points
Doug - 6 points
Carly - 6 points
Tim - 6 points
Poops - 5 points
Dak - 3 points
Viv - 3 points
Shane - 3 points
AJ - 3 points
Ricky - 3 points
Red - 3 points
Jess - 2 points
Nate - 2 points
Steph - 2 points
Jake - 2 points
Tashina - 2 points
Savannah-2 points
Melanie - 2 points
Mike - 2 points
Gen - 1 point
Poops - 1 point
Sonia - 1 point
Julie - 1 point
Margaret - 1 point
Marco - 1 point
Mary - 1 point
Kevin F - 1 point
Amber - 1 point

That's all that I can remember for now, so see y'all on Sunday or Tuesday or whenever.

Township Rebellion

Our history at Wash park seems to be that we get to play the croquet green every other year, this being our apparent off year. 

Although Carly tried to talk the guy into leaving the lights on for us, let us remember that we have been playing in the dark for a really really long time. Thou shalt not vex a stranger, I suppose.

I do have to say that Wash Park was looking its best. It was beautiful and quiet. Just the right mixture for a lovely match of croquet. Maybe Rage Against the Machine put the right voodoo out there for us or something?

Top 5:

1. Mike's porn stash.

2. Sesame chicken w/ egg rolls. (Someone was hungry!)

3. The most peaceful game of croquet ever. (Jess, Josh, Amber, Savanna and Shane)

4. Red's glorious kill on Deme.

5. The return of Gen.

Tip of the Week:

"Grass is good for beer, but not your balls"

Hero of the Week:

Everyone who brought beer! aka Mikaela for bring beer and not even playing.

Slogan of the Week: By Amber

"Just let it go..."

Lets Get O.G.:

Doug - "Back in the day when Emy was droppin' the zip cord"

Doug - "When being North Side was being North Side"

Jeff - "Being wasted!"

Douche-bag of the Week:

"The Wash Park Lawn Bowling club for playing some gay ass botche and not letting us jump the fence", says Mike G. followed by "You should also add something about old geezer balls".

Things I shouldn't have Overheard:

"Are you ready for some white on white" some dude said to his wife referring to the lawn bowlers.

That Sounds Good!:

Taco night at Jess' (man I must make one hell of a taco)

Where is John?:

He's not here because he's probably at his bachlorette party. - Deme

Thanks everyone for making it out there, it was a great time. Congrats to Amber on killing Shane and getting her first point!

See you all next week!

I Can't See Your Face In My Mind

This weeks game started out fresh, Jake and I tailgated with some Popeye's, which should have been chicken and a 40oz, but I can do with strips and mashed potatoes.

Who's got Olympic fever? If there was a gold medal to be given out at this weeks game, Savanna should have been Michael Phelps. Silver goes to Brunn for flying in for the game, and Bronze goes to Mikaela for playing the entire game on a bum knee. I've been nominated by Maura for the Olympic Congeniality Medal, for my impersonation of Missy Elliott's "I cant stand the rain", dance moves, in my black trash bag rain coat, compliments of Dave S. "I would like to thank early 21st century hip-hop, my mom, to Wyclef Jean for teaching me to shake what my mamma gave me, of course to god cause that's what your supposed to say, and how could I forget my wonderful fans! Without you, I laugh by myself".

Hey, at next years match at City Park, I propose the statue that was about 200 yards from us, it was cool, and there was light.

Lets Go Top 5:

1. Mike G.'s first point.

2. Red rockin' the purse

3. Jess' trash bag mexican hat dance.

4. Shane's failed kamikaze mission - there was "heart of gold" in it!

5. Mike G.'s tree blind wicket shot.

Bonus Top 5:

6. Shane's 25 foot english wicket shot, with the roll back through the wicket.

7. Third annual citrus death star kill by Dave S.

Tip of the Week: By Guest Star: Brunn

"You can never win with the citrus death star" (orange ball)

Douche-Bag of the Week:

Wet goose shit and John for picking the dark park, and not even coming to the game.

Let's Get O.G.: By Nate-Dogg

Didn't it rain last year at this park? And what happened to playing at the tennis courts?

Conversations I shouldn't have Overheard:

"Girls are pretty when they're wet"

Moment that shouldn't have happened:

Zak caught pudd whacking in the bushes.

Her of the Week:

Big Black TRASH BAGS

Slogan of the Week:

"City Park equals Shitty Park" "It's always shitty in the city"

Like Dave S. said, next weeks park is at Washington Park. Oh, and before I forget, Mikaela wanted me to post her address for a little get together at her place on Saturday, August 16th. 2919 Depew. Dunno what time, call Maura.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama

Welcome to this weeks community blog. 

This was the neatest, most tidiest poster that I think we have ever had. Most other times, I have to become Timmy and figure out what Lassie is trying to tell me,  and its not usually a fire down in the old shed on old man Withers acre.

I don't really have that much to say this week, not because I'm not feeling witty or didn't witness great moments in NSCC history, only because I think you say it all on the poster, better than I ever could.

We have fun, and that's what its all about. We easily bring outsiders in, to participate in the camaraderie that is this league, and I feel bad for anyone who cant see the spirit in that.

Top 5:

1. Paleta Spider Man.

2. Mikey's return.

3. Kevin on the tennis court.

4. The cleanest poster yet!

5. Tashina's bagpipes.

Hero of the Week:

Wolf - the return...

Tip of the Week:

"Don't eat yellow snow, don't pee in the wind, and always cover dog poo with 3 wickets and a plastic bag."

Douche-Bag of the Week:

A self confession: I, Julie, nominate myself for killing Rob (my b.f.) right before he got poison.

 :o(

Dave fore cleaning up before the game was done playing though and everyone for making Dave clean up shit every week.

Lets Get O.G.:

"Jessica M. was here '08" - was in the women's restroom stall (and no, I didn't write it)

Bottom 5:

-No beer -AGAIN?! What the *#@!

Obscure Misc.:

Martin (the croquet virgin) gets hit in the ankle by Viv's croquet ball & then jumps every time he hears "watch out!".

Something I should have NEVER overheard:

Wolf to Carly "You just put your man's stick in my mouth" then later on that evening...

Lion "I'm gonna die from cancer"

Josh "We're all gonna die from cancer"

Lion "Well, especially me."

Josh "Well, lets die together"

Lion "Oh,... I'll die."

Useful Information for your Bubble:

Did you know, its not only a bubble, its also a condom.

Thanks everyone for your participation this week. I HAVE NO MORE TAG BOARD! So if someone would like to contribute and either bring one, or if everyone wants to contribute to buy like 5 more for the rest of the season, that would be really cool.

Next weeks park is City Park, and NOT by the tennis courts... this year we are moving closer to the playground. See you next week!

SexyBack

Croquet always brings sexy back. To quote the song "Dirty babe, you see these shackles baby Im your slave, I'll let you with me if I misbehave, its just that no one makes me feel this way, uh huh."  From our duct taped mallets to selling ass crack to all the kids, there's nothing sexier than that! Work that crack, work it!

This week's park was pretty cool other than every other light pole in the whole entire park except the two that we chose to play next to worked. Next thing you know we will all be wearing bi-focals from squinting in the dark. That's even sexier! (This is the part where Mike G. and I break out in a well rehearsed dance, and then everyone else joins in...)

Enough ramblin' ON with the show!

Oh wait, just a little side note from the editor, Deme got shit on this week, can we try and be a little nicer? What's the only rule of this club? E.L.E. - everyone love everyone!

Top 5: (#1 by far takes the cake as the best top 5 moment in recorded history)

1. Mike G. hitting Deme in the back of the head with a beer can. He kicked shot it way up in the air, and it crashed into Deme's dome.

2. The "baked" goods.

3. Phil's corduroys.

4. It wont stay up cause it's so chocolatie smooth (Sorry Carly, there is no spell check for that word!)

5. Jeff with Mabel

Slogan of the Week:

"Drink hard & bring beer or DONT drink!!! Son!!!"

Let's Get O.G.: (there are 2)

No more points suckas!!!!!!! and Slip n' slide (This park would be good for it!)

Douche-Bag of the Week:

By JC: Someone stole my bicycle! Where's my free bike sign? So who ever stole JC's bike is a total douche and DEME, because he walked out on his game without picking up the wickets. (Deme has been nominated as the first ever double douche, which is pretty bad, there is even a suggestion that this act of carelessness for the game should result in negative points!)

Tip of the Week:

Don't fuck with the blogger! Especially when she hears about the douche-bag of the week!

That Sounds Good! aka That Smells Good!:

Sonia's steak

Things I shouldn't have overheard:

Maura -  "Im Farty"   JC - "Wanna see my running shoes!? Oh, I didn't wear them!"  and Deme - "Nobody even knows I cheat, I cannot be caught!"

Instead of Where's JC? this week is Where's Mikey?:

"Where's in the world is Ramos?" "Yeah, where is that guy?" "He's searching for his pot o' gold... & his fuckin' horse shit!"

Shirt of the Week:

Red's purple cowboy shirt

Obscure Misc.:

Julie's fart sounded like a text message. (Girls fart?) and Mikaela says: JC is Poop Dick

Okay well, interesting... I like this, it's funny when I have to go back and read these posters, cause some stuff I don't understand, but I see where you are going with it. This isn't the first time I've said "I don't get it..."

Next week, Rocky Mountain Park. There is some debate about where exactly in the park we will play, but luck for you the park aint big and you aint dumb. See you next week!

You're Bleeding

I love NOFX. Just to quote the song, because its a fucking great song "You've got the beauty, but that don't mean a thing, a bland reciprocation, but it don't bother me".  For you other NOFX lovers, on a side note, Bob Turkey is such a dick.

This weeks game was really fun. Thanks to Kevin Frisbie for the argyle shirts, the wrist bands and the bomb diggity air fresheners. 

Thanks to everyone who left their contribution to the first ever Community Blog. It seemed to go over really well, so I think I will keep doing this. That way everyone gets to contribute, and I don't have to walk around the battle field trying to get drunk people to remember. 

So remember, write that scheissen down, on your half time or on your beer run! Make it count! There is no way in hell that I could have come up with as much randomness that you all did, so I thank each and everyone of you for being all up in everyone else's poo.

LOL, I wanted to say shit, but poo was better!

Here we go!

Top 5:

1. Carly, the overtime sharp shooter. (Sounds like a force to be reckoned with!)

2. Jess' Taco Rules (Please, for the love of taco's, ask Poops to explain, and NO its not something dirty!!!)

3. The upside down nomination for the Top 5 (which if I could make my computer write upside down, it would have been wayyyyyy cooler)

4. Josh receiving bad advice "Hit the ball, and if not, land right next to it"

5. Everyone Love Everyone!

Bonus 3 to the Top 5:

6. Dave finally getting to write in the dark with his super glow pen.

7. Kevin's mallet actually having a purpose. (Please ask for detailed drawing to scale from Kevin of his crazy mallet contraption involving the retaining wall and some sort of weight scale.)

8. Tail-gating after the game. (Word up Shane!)

Tip of the Week:

Watch out for Ricky (for real)

Slogan of the Week: There are two this week...

"Think of the kids!" and "That wicket is poised for penetration!" 

Hero of the Week:

Kevin for the schwag.

Douche-bag of the Week: also dubbed the "Most Popular" category

John S for not bringing Zak's mallet, the wicket on the side walk, and AJ, for kicking Kevin's mallet across the course.

Lets Get O.G.: By Boyd (I only know cause I saw him write it down, AND he included his name)

"I member beatin' everyone in 30 minutes, then gettin' drunk for 2 hours before the poison battle."

3 Things I shouldn't have overheard:

AJ to himself, "mmm... pineapple... followed by the nipple rub." 

"that's the second time she nailed it!"

Poops to Jake, "Dude, I have a huge one!"

That Sounds Good!: By Jess and Zach

Mulato Gelato, y-u-m-m-y

Rule Clarification of the Week:

Going through both wickets and hitting the post at halfway results in two shots.

Shirt of the Week: By Maura

Hot pink boob advertisement shirt logo aka TITvertising.

Obscure Misc.:

Figuring out the thermodynamic properties of beer.

I don't know what category this was meant for, so its now the SUPER Obscure Misc.:

"You get the boob."

Well with that being said, Josh was the big winner of the week and has chosen Barnum Park, located somewhere near 3rd & Hooker. 

Everyone is moving or out of town this weekend, so Im not really sure if there will be a Tournament, stay tuned into your email for details from Dave S. 

Also, we are having a small shin-dig for Boyd & Sheena's bday's at our house, Saturday, August 2nd. If you wanna stop by, come and see me next week and I will give you more details.

My random thought to keep you entertained... JC is still missing. This could be the start of a new category, Where is JC?: This week I'm going to say that JC was tied up in a phone call from the FDA in regards to the recent salmonella scare. They just wanted to clarify the difference between falapano's and jalapenos.

See you next week!

Garbanzo

Once again, I fucked up. I did remember to bring the paper and pen to the game, however I failed to write down most everything that happened. Dave even let me borrow this really cool pen that lights up so I could write in the dark!

So I have an idea for next week, I'm going to buy a piece of tag board, and attach a pen. It will be located by the beer, so anytime you feel like writing something down, please do so. It would be awesome to include any announcements one might have, i.e. engagements, marriages, bbq's, birthdays... whatev.

It will be the first community blog, and if all goes well, and people enjoy it, maybe it will become permanent!

Speaking of the NSCC community,  just in case some people their feelings all hurt last weeks game, the TRUE team picture for the season, INCLUDING MAURA, will be taken at Washington Park. So that means, one of the winners will have to call it, and make it happen. The picture that we did take was for fun, thank you to everyone who isn't allergic.

Top 5:

1. The return of Kristine!

2. The girls free-birding the ladies room onto their course.

3. Boyd getting stuck in the hole in front of his wicket like a million times.

4. Josh not understanding my joke, he said "just put it on the top 5", followed by a high 5.

5. Mike G. getting worked by Jake. DO WORK SON!

Slogan of the Week: By Kristine, Steph and Savanna

If you get me, you get me. If you don't, you don't. Its cro-logic.

Tip of the Week: By Carly

Play croquet. If someone asks for advise, give it. But if you want to be a coach,... find an after school program.

Douche-bag of the Week: By Carly

The porta-potty and the hill to the porta-potty.

Hero of the Week:

So while I've been sitting here trying to think of shit to write, because as I mentioned earlier, I gots nothing, I asked Jake for a hero of the week. He said "Me (as in himself), cause I rocked Mike G., and then went for a run." Maybe Jake should have been the douche.

Things I shouldn't have overheard, isn't going to happen, cause I didn't write down anything I overheard.

NEW! Gettin' Those Digits:

Tim with his puppy. That thing is a total chick magnet!

Let's Get O.G.:

Remember when Dave Bergonz fell out of the tree at Zuni?

We have officially CLOSED the photo booth for the player cards. To all of you who refused to have your picture taken, I don't feel bad that you wont get a card. Ha ha!

So I need to finish this somehow, and I'm not sure what to say. Jake was supposed to be helping me, but now he is wandering around our house. The best thing I could think of, was talking shit about Jake. 

See you all next week at Richard-Hart Estate!

It Must Have Been the Roses

The lesson that Dave and I can agree on that we learned this week is always for the love of the game, remember a pen and paper. This has had to have been the most difficult blog that I have ever written, solely based on emails that went back and forth between Dave and I today. I will apologize right off the bat for anything that is not included in this blog that you thought was of the upmost importance to share. Please feel free to leave hate mail, or even something I left out in the comments section.

This weeks game was at the lovely Sunken Gardens. Thankfully Julie escaped torment from any 14 year old boys and JC. By the way, where is JC these days? Someone assemble a search party! Leave no falapano behind!

Next week I will be getting player card pictures for anyone that wasn't able to make it to the game. I will track you down and get your picture! Don't think you can slip by me! Plus, when the cards are finished, you can show them off to all your co-workers, and play the "don't you wish you where me" card. EVERYONE likes a one-upper. (That's for you Maura!)

You will notice that there has been three new categories for this weeks blog edition. Rule clarification of the Week, because there is always something controversial going on, Let's Get O.G., a need for nostalgia, and That Sounds Good!, a brain-stormed recipe that could sell for millions of dollars on the black market. Enjoy!

Top 5:

1. Eric's beer getting hit by a fly by, and flipped right side up. Followed by Eric yelling "I'm still standing!"

2. The 6 poison game. Each player ended up being poison!

3. Jake getting "the worst bounce of the season"

4. Takin' it to the rocks.

5.  The wicket in the homeless shitter.

Slogan of the Week: By Carly and Margaret

"You don't want to be the backstop. The backstop gets used to make baskets."

Douche-bags of the Week:

Everyone who didn't bring beer, and then let Eric go on the beer run. (I brought beer, so I'm clear of the douche-bag-ness this week! SUCKAS!)

Hero of the Week:

Maura, for holding up the blanket anytime one of us girls needed to pee in the bush!

Rule Clarification of the Week:

There is only one way to get three shots in one turn. Hitting through two wickets AND hitting a ball in the SAME SHOT!

Tip of the Week:

Don't ask Dave for Rule Clarifications. (You could have had four shots)

Conversations I shouldn't have heard!:

Poops to Maura "I should have taken advantage of you last night when you where drunk, ...NO that's not what I mean!, I meant because I had a camera."

Let's Get O.G.: By Eric

1. Bring Beer and 2. FINISH YOUR GAME! - These are the two original rules from when the league was first formed, and Eric thought that we all should be reminded.

That Sounds Good!"

The "Irish Taco", its is a baked potato, split in half to resemble a taco shell, stuffed with corned beef and cabbage. Truly an amazing sight!`

AJ was the winner, he's called Zuni Park as the next landing pad.

I guess this blog didn't turn out to be as bad as I thought it was going to be. It truly goes to show, that even though we forgot a pot to piss in, it was better than a homeless shitter.

See you all next week!

Who Are You???

I have no idea who the band is on the cover art for this weeks poster. Anyone, anyone? Im guessing that Shane had a really good day yesterday, because not only did he make it onto the top 5 twice, he's also part of the slogan of the week. Someone was drinking too much joint juice I suppose. 

For you drunkards and potheads that need a reminder, Sunday there's going to be a Tournament/BBQ at Carly and Kevin's. If you have never participated in the tourney, I must tell you, its a great time. The game takes a really really really really long time, but its all worth it. It's $5.00 to enter, 3rd place gets their money back, 2nd place gets $15.00, and 1st place takes the purse. Plus we BBQ and drink all day long. Maybe if we are all good little girls and boys, there will be fireworks! To famously quote Eric, "Lets light some shit on fire!"

Top 7: (There where far too many moments this week not to post them)

1. Joint Juice from the Suzuki girls.

2. Shane getting poison before any of his team members where halfway.

3. Porta Potti... Occupied? or Italian?

4. Shane refusing a free hat because it was "too white".

5. BCH not showing up to the game because they where all holding hands at the Stevie Wonder concert. (this on is not my doing, I just report the news people)

6. Red, White & Blue, for Thanksgiving. (thanks to Savannah for letting me write that down)

7. The kick-ballers kicking Kevin's ball back to him during the poison battle. (gosh that was a lot of k's)

Slogan of the Week: By AJ

"I try to hump Shane, because he's awesome."

Something I Overheard:

"When is the equinox?" "Like 3 weeks ago." "That's not very pagan of you!"

Tip of the Week: By Marika

Don't think about bending the wicket, think about bending the world.

NEW! Healthy Habits: By Boyd

1. Always wear chesticle protection.

2. 4 funbags are a good time.

Douche-Bag of the Wee:

Gen's mallot, and the kickball players for rousting Marika!

Hope to see you all at the tournament, lets win some money! Next weeks game is at Sunken Gardens, so lets see what crazy people talk to us and fall in love with Julie this time!

Shoot To Thrill

Like sand through the hour glass, this is the croquet of our life. This weeks game, Congress Park. It was nice to not have to haul shit a half mile across the park, however the grass was sort of blonde and dead in the area we decided to play in, and not only that, but I think we where all tasting dirt from the wind blowing off of the soccer field. 

So Jake and I are back! If you are a friend to my myspace, check out our jungle croquet pics. A couple of days before we left we found ourselves in a Walmart (go figure), low and behold, an entire wall of croquet sets gleaming in the fluorescent lights. I think we are the only owners of a croquet set on Maui. (Those shits where dusty as hell!) Anyway, we had a pretty good match that day.

Its good to be back to the Top 5:

1. John hit his ball uphill and it rolled back downhill through 2 wickets that where at least 15 feet apart. Im told that this was quite and amazing sight!

2. Eric's pirouette around the croquet ball to avoid interference.

3. Kevin and the kick stand. "Ladies he's not just tall." - Maura Bryn

4. Skinny Tim and he Components

5. Eric sending John from the fence in the middle of the park to the bus bench on 8th Avenue.

Eric's is still coming up strong on these top 5's people. Is anyone else funny, or does this blogger just happen to be around him during these moments? I would have to say that Eric's response to all of this would be. "That's what I do!" 

Speaking of Eric, he is also the topic of "Things you shouldn't have overheard"...

"Eric hits the batting cage with his mallet, he's the silent assassin."

"He must be bi-polar."

Tip of The Week: By Medicine Man

Always put you mallet where you mouth is. Followed by, "I'm not really sure what that means."

Shane & Poops Douche-bag of the Week:

POOPS for sure this week, and that's my nomination. I was recording points and he had me convinced that he won his game. Little bastard. And I think that Shane would have to agree with me on naming the hill on their course a douche-bag (Or who ever set it up). His whole team spent at least an hour there.

Slogan of the Week:

My notes are all smeared so Im going to wing it on what it says. I believe this one is from Carly and AJ. "You've got to pussyfoot around the poison pole like a first time stripper." If I screwed that one up, I apologize.

Last not not least the Hero of The Week: Boyd named me as the hero, because I poison wicket killed Dave. Boyd needs a hero, he's holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night, she's gotta be strong, and she's gotta be fast, and she's gotta be fresh from the fight! And IM that HERO!!! Oohh ooohhh oooohhhh! I know the girls are singing!

So John is the weiner, and picked City of Cuernevaca. I guess its time to say hello to the kick ball teams. See you all there, and good to see you all this week!

Sympathy For The Devil

So it seemed like I wrote a lot more down last night than I have on paper this morning. I must have just been writing slowly due to the complete darkness. Why would the city go to all the expense and effort of putting all those light poles up if they weren't going to turn them on when it got dark? Other than that little thing, I think that Globeville has got to be my new favorite park. We even had air support! Were the black helicopters circling us specifically or did we just happen to be in their training zone? Did we almost get riot controlled? The military insists it's not related to the convention or to croquet surveillance, and is just routine counter-terrorism training, but I got the feeling that we were about to be intervened upon.
Since I'm writing these while Jess is on vacation, and because I'm lazy, and because it seems like a sensible thing to do, I'm gonna combine top 5 with the winners and all that other stuff, and make one massive super recap. You should probably go to the restroom and make a drink now, because we might be here for a while. Hours perhaps, maybe days. But I'll try and wrap it up by next Tuesday though so that we can start all over again.
Speaking of next Tuesday, Dak (2 points) was the winner of the PBR (poison battle royale) and has called Congress Park. We're gonna do it at the parking lot this time and not the random spot I accidentally picked before. Also winning their games were Red (1 point), Deme (5 points, 1st place(tied)), Josh (2 points) and myself (5 points, 1st place(tied)). And now on to the top 5-

1-Temuchin's round the park tour - If you missed it, which might have been hard to do since his ball came through just about every game, he hit a massive drive from the bottom of the park , which followed the bike path all the way to the top, banked off the grass, through the pavilion, down the stairs, and right back to the bottom of the park again.
2-The boob cooler - It is not a cooler for the beer, it is a cooler for the boobs which is made from the beer. Also related to the boob cooler is the Tagline of the week - The boobs that launched a thousand drunken...
3- The angry bikers - Not the scary kind of angry biker, what with the Harley's and the guns and the Methamphetamine, but the kind of angry biker that wears spandex and looks fruity and yells "on your left" alot, which only confuses everybody 'cause they're all facing different directions. So everyone steps to their right, which causes the biker to crash in a horrible burning wreck. Or at least give us some dirty looks. Perhaps they're the ones that called in the National Gaurd on us?
4- Poops' 6 wicket run - He got a lot of shit for nominating his own run for top 5, but it was a 6 wicket run, and somebody else might have nominated it for him if they weren't so damned petty.
5- The Wave in the fan section - Another bad-ass thing about Globeville is the stadium seating overlooking the playing field, which almost always makes waves spontaneously appear in groups of drunkards, be they croquet drunkards or drunkards of a more traditional type. Bringing the wave back through in the feet seems like a new innovation to me though. Can you trademark a kind of wave?

This Weeks Bad-ass/Hero of the week has to be Eric, hands down, who recognized early that there was an impending beer shortage, and took all the measures necessary to solve the problem, returning with enough beer to finish the game out, and the after party, and some for the wicked hangover he probably had this morning.

The Douchebag of the week is AJ, who killed the hero of the week on his first turn back.

Overheard of the week -
Are you wearing a thong?
No, I have a wedgie.

Tip of the week comes from Dak, our PBR champion - "I don't wanna win, I just want to go to sleep." Well you can't always get what you want.

So yeah, Congress Park next week. See y'all there

Death or Glory

So an interesting new place to play at Sloan's, but still no bathrooms, and so once again my van got pissed all over. But at least the wind didn't come raging over the lake reeking of dead fish on this side. It's a big damn park, I'm sure we'll find the perfect spot someday. Either that or we can start bringing our own lights and port-o-potties to every game.
Anyhow, my note taking this time was much more legible than last, in part because I remembered to bring paper, and other people helped write shit down. There are still a few illegible passages, but I've got more than enough information here without them anyway. So in no particular order

1-Eric's hooker shot through the paper wicket (Shortie's got hips). Ask Josh or Eric. I just write this shit down. Their enthusiasm was more than enough to convince me it deserved top 5 status, even if nobody could properly explain it.
2-Margaret's first point ever. This also served to point out to me that Margaret had no bio page despite playing for so long. I'm sorry, and we'll address this again later in the posting.
3-Shane's skipping intro to the smoking circle. Again, I've got no idea, and this one's not in my handwriting. Ask Shane I suppose?
4-Marco avenging his daughter Sonia's death with a wicket kill on shane. His first game, his first point, his family's honor defended. Now he just has to deal with my brother.
5-The all female poison battle. If Tim or Poops is reading this, refer to the tip of the week. Welcome to the top of the standings.

Since Jess has started the tradition of starting new topics every week, here's a new one that's not so confrontational. Viv was nominated for Bad-ass of the week. Apparently because she "made it rain", which I can only assume is a euphemism for something else, as I was several yards away the whole night, and it never rained on my game (just on my van).

The Tip of the week this week comes from AJ-
"They're gonna call you a pussy anyway, It doesn't matter what you do"

The best overheard conversation that shouldn't have happened comes from Steph who was heard as follows-
"It's pretty hard and crusty, but I'll shove it up there"

Douchbag of the Week- I think it's gonna have to be me for the second week in a row. This week it's because I called Julie Steph, after I'd already deleted her point from the site, and I forgot to give Margaret a bio page for the last year and a half.

That's it for week 6, see y'all Tuesday at Globeville Landing.

Murders in the Rue Morgue

When Iron Maiden becomes Iron Maydan.

Apel-Bacher park was awesome. There where a few comments about Nate's sucky mow job, which I have to admit, the lawn was a little ruff.  We had a pretty good turn out at the game, although when we usually play that park, Leighton shows. He was a no show for this one. 

Speaking of seeing someone, I also was told to mention Maura's uncanny ability to be all over the website. "Officially, Im the photographer!", she said, followed by many chuckles and a reference to drinking.

There are a lot more people on the point board after this week! Apparently Deme and Dave S. are forces to be reckoned with! Lets see some more SENDING!

Top 5 (in no particular order):

1. Jake hitting his ball into Boyd's shin before the game started.

2. Finding out what Maura & Poops playing "doctor" meant.

3. The Pine-cone Shootout

4. John Simpkins dubbing my kitten, the Croqitten. (my baby's name is Wicket)

5. Maura almost getting blasted in the face by Sonia's high ball on the play ground.

I also have a two new topics for the forum. You'll know it when you see it. More categories to be thought of and added. New idea's are appreciated. We gots to keep this shit spicy!

Tip of the Week by Deme & Marika:

If people are standing around watching a poison about to happen, they should probably be watching the ball.

Poops' & Shane's Douche-Bag of the Week:

After naming each other they then replied with, Dave S. for winning, and Pete Coors for not providing cold beer.

Conversation's that shouldn't of happened:

"Ever since we went to the bathroom under the pine tree, my panties have NOT been the same." replied with "Maybe you shouldn't wear them to croquet."

That's all for this week. Dave or John will be writing the blog for the next two weeks cause Jake and I will be in Hawaii! ALOHA!

Sweet Child of Mine

Gotta love Berkeley Park. Was it just last year that Dom was yelled at by that guy for having Mateo off his leash, and then Dom yelled back in that guy's face? Oh memories. No wait, last year all the girls, excluding myself where doing boobie pictures.  Ha ha!

Special thanks to Savannah for ordering pizza and Gen for crafting that delicious key lime pie! Also, a special shout out to Shane's leg, we hope you heal soon!

Top 5:

1. Nate's ball splitting in half, and then splitting into thirds!

2. Mikey saying " lets roll a joint into a slice of pizza."

3. Chachi's amazing shot out of the croquet bag.

4. Mike asked for the lights to be turned on in the park, in which Huevos Rancheros somehow  became expectopetronuss. Needless to say, neither works.

5. Julie getting 100% in her game. She got poison and killed every player! Go Julie!

This weeks game had lots of laughs, especially Zach and Christine's tip of the week.

I had originally asked Zach earlier in the night if he would like to provide the tip, since I know Zach to always have something clever to say. This one however, came from Christine, as Zach's other half. It just sort of happened. Needless to say, I will have to briefly explain where it came from. So without further ado...

Tip of the Week, by Christine & Zach:

"When you're peeing close to your friends, it just makes sense that your balls would roll in it."

The boys in my game (Dave S., Mikey, Mike G. & Chris Red) had all been peeing next to Dave's van, and then later in the game, they kept hitting there croquet balls into it. I love Christine. She's so silly!

Last but not ever least, thank you thank you thank you to Stephanie for the beautiful piece of artwork. I had to call a second half time in our game so I could stare at it. You are wonderful!

Thanks to everyone who brought beers. You rule. See you next week at Apel-Baucher.

Finger Lickin' Good

So Jess is off this week as her priorities are all screwed up and she missed the game. Apparently I was not entirely there either if my top 5 and winners list is any indication. But anyhow, these are the top 5 things that I can decipher from my shoddy records.
1-Eric - I see his name on here several times, once in relation to the "mulch madness" and once to "the 3's". People always seem to be the cheeriest after a game when it's Eric that wins. If he keeps playing like he was on Tuesday, people will get over that quick enough.
2-Sprite
3-Whatever battle was going on between Boyd and Poops - They both kept calling bullshit on each other as their submissions to the top 5 list.
4-The longest halftime ever - I've heard as long as an hour, but that's probably an exaggeration, brought about by the time distorting effects of halftime.
5-The bullshit list - the bulk of suggestions I was given for "best of" moments were actually submissions for the bullshit list, which doesn't actually exist.

So that's about all I can read from my notes. Next week is at Berkeley Park, and this time, player pics for the reals.

Pretty Young Thing

Call it what you want to all it, but I think we might be croquet-a-holics. Did anyone else notice the mass amounts of beer at this weeks game? I think we just paid some hobo's rent for the next two months with the amount of cans that entered the trash. Who said we weren't a charitable organization!

So this week was pretty cold and damp. Not the usual weather for May, but for the NSCC, games are played rain AND shine.

What's really hilarious is when it rains for the entire game and you keep asking yourself "why am I here?" and then you never leave. Is it the love of the game? Or the thought of a possible point to get you off the NPP list? Im not going to lie, its the NPP list.

This Weeks Top 5:

1. Christine asking Margaret "Remember when you used to suck?"

2. Anthony, the tiniest member of the league, having a bad ass run while there where two poisons after him. Go little man!

3. Zach poison killing John. He shot through the picnic table and down the hill. (Wish I could have seen that!)

4. John's attempt to bowl over another game with Poops' spare tire.

and finally...

5. The ridiculousness of hearing that former member Melanie, started a new league. "the South Side Croquet League." That's lame. Banished for life I tell you.

This weeks tip comes from our very own John Simpkins: "Just punch yourself in the face and you'll forget". Even though this tip came from a long rooted conversation about bowel movements, I think we can all apply it to different things in our life to make it work. Thanks John.

I haven't heard where next weeks game will be, but I can tell you that we WILL be taking player card pics at this game. Lets face it, who wants to remember the croquet season with scarves, hats and pink noses?

We All Live in a Yellow Submarine

As with all things in spring, the grass gets greener, the trees form leaves, flowers are in bloom, bee's are a pollenatin', and twenty some odd North Side folks, holding mallets and beer, walk into a park for a friendly match of croquet.

Surprisingly enough, there were a few faces amongst the crowd that I wasn't expecting to see. Hasn't Nate announced at every season that this season would probably be his last? It made me glad that he hasn't given up on the wild banshee group of ball whacking boozers that we call Northsiders. A privilege to be one in fact.

Welcome back to another glorious season of shit talking and mallet busting.

Last week's game: Wolff Park

Jess' Top 5

1. Carly tripping over wickets before the game even started, and before she cracked a beer.

2. Boyd's "Amazing Technicolor Raincoat."

3. Acai Tuazon fka JC. I think this might be his real name!

4. The theme song to Indiana Jones that Poops was humming, only the version that we made up was sang with poops and doo doo's instead of la la's. (If that doesn't make sense, ask Boyd to sing it for you. It sort of worked out as a "blue bubble" method in our game.)

5. Asking Dave B. for a quote, unto which he recited Duran Duran lyrics. (I didn't have it in me to embarrass anyone right off the bat, so I'm leaving his ridiculous quote out.)

I didn't really get a whole lot of game action in my Top 5, nor did I get the chance to ask anyone else how their games went. I did however get a story from Eric about their game that made me decide to also write a "Tip of the Week."

This week's Tip: Don't quit playing your game without telling anyone, it only results in "Whose turn is it?" Only later to find out that the person whose turn it is left a long time ago, and you've been standing around getting drunker (which may or may not be a bad thing).

Everyone make sure to look your croquet best next week, we will be shooting the latest player card pics, which also does on the website. That means, Mike G, comb out your fro, yo!

See you next week!