SexyBack

Croquet always brings sexy back. To quote the song "Dirty babe, you see these shackles baby Im your slave, I'll let you with me if I misbehave, its just that no one makes me feel this way, uh huh."  From our duct taped mallets to selling ass crack to all the kids, there's nothing sexier than that! Work that crack, work it!

This week's park was pretty cool other than every other light pole in the whole entire park except the two that we chose to play next to worked. Next thing you know we will all be wearing bi-focals from squinting in the dark. That's even sexier! (This is the part where Mike G. and I break out in a well rehearsed dance, and then everyone else joins in...)

Enough ramblin' ON with the show!

Oh wait, just a little side note from the editor, Deme got shit on this week, can we try and be a little nicer? What's the only rule of this club? E.L.E. - everyone love everyone!

Top 5: (#1 by far takes the cake as the best top 5 moment in recorded history)

1. Mike G. hitting Deme in the back of the head with a beer can. He kicked shot it way up in the air, and it crashed into Deme's dome.

2. The "baked" goods.

3. Phil's corduroys.

4. It wont stay up cause it's so chocolatie smooth (Sorry Carly, there is no spell check for that word!)

5. Jeff with Mabel

Slogan of the Week:

"Drink hard & bring beer or DONT drink!!! Son!!!"

Let's Get O.G.: (there are 2)

No more points suckas!!!!!!! and Slip n' slide (This park would be good for it!)

Douche-Bag of the Week:

By JC: Someone stole my bicycle! Where's my free bike sign? So who ever stole JC's bike is a total douche and DEME, because he walked out on his game without picking up the wickets. (Deme has been nominated as the first ever double douche, which is pretty bad, there is even a suggestion that this act of carelessness for the game should result in negative points!)

Tip of the Week:

Don't fuck with the blogger! Especially when she hears about the douche-bag of the week!

That Sounds Good! aka That Smells Good!:

Sonia's steak

Things I shouldn't have overheard:

Maura -  "Im Farty"   JC - "Wanna see my running shoes!? Oh, I didn't wear them!"  and Deme - "Nobody even knows I cheat, I cannot be caught!"

Instead of Where's JC? this week is Where's Mikey?:

"Where's in the world is Ramos?" "Yeah, where is that guy?" "He's searching for his pot o' gold... & his fuckin' horse shit!"

Shirt of the Week:

Red's purple cowboy shirt

Obscure Misc.:

Julie's fart sounded like a text message. (Girls fart?) and Mikaela says: JC is Poop Dick

Okay well, interesting... I like this, it's funny when I have to go back and read these posters, cause some stuff I don't understand, but I see where you are going with it. This isn't the first time I've said "I don't get it..."

Next week, Rocky Mountain Park. There is some debate about where exactly in the park we will play, but luck for you the park aint big and you aint dumb. See you next week!

You're Bleeding

I love NOFX. Just to quote the song, because its a fucking great song "You've got the beauty, but that don't mean a thing, a bland reciprocation, but it don't bother me".  For you other NOFX lovers, on a side note, Bob Turkey is such a dick.

This weeks game was really fun. Thanks to Kevin Frisbie for the argyle shirts, the wrist bands and the bomb diggity air fresheners. 

Thanks to everyone who left their contribution to the first ever Community Blog. It seemed to go over really well, so I think I will keep doing this. That way everyone gets to contribute, and I don't have to walk around the battle field trying to get drunk people to remember. 

So remember, write that scheissen down, on your half time or on your beer run! Make it count! There is no way in hell that I could have come up with as much randomness that you all did, so I thank each and everyone of you for being all up in everyone else's poo.

LOL, I wanted to say shit, but poo was better!

Here we go!

Top 5:

1. Carly, the overtime sharp shooter. (Sounds like a force to be reckoned with!)

2. Jess' Taco Rules (Please, for the love of taco's, ask Poops to explain, and NO its not something dirty!!!)

3. The upside down nomination for the Top 5 (which if I could make my computer write upside down, it would have been wayyyyyy cooler)

4. Josh receiving bad advice "Hit the ball, and if not, land right next to it"

5. Everyone Love Everyone!

Bonus 3 to the Top 5:

6. Dave finally getting to write in the dark with his super glow pen.

7. Kevin's mallet actually having a purpose. (Please ask for detailed drawing to scale from Kevin of his crazy mallet contraption involving the retaining wall and some sort of weight scale.)

8. Tail-gating after the game. (Word up Shane!)

Tip of the Week:

Watch out for Ricky (for real)

Slogan of the Week: There are two this week...

"Think of the kids!" and "That wicket is poised for penetration!" 

Hero of the Week:

Kevin for the schwag.

Douche-bag of the Week: also dubbed the "Most Popular" category

John S for not bringing Zak's mallet, the wicket on the side walk, and AJ, for kicking Kevin's mallet across the course.

Lets Get O.G.: By Boyd (I only know cause I saw him write it down, AND he included his name)

"I member beatin' everyone in 30 minutes, then gettin' drunk for 2 hours before the poison battle."

3 Things I shouldn't have overheard:

AJ to himself, "mmm... pineapple... followed by the nipple rub." 

"that's the second time she nailed it!"

Poops to Jake, "Dude, I have a huge one!"

That Sounds Good!: By Jess and Zach

Mulato Gelato, y-u-m-m-y

Rule Clarification of the Week:

Going through both wickets and hitting the post at halfway results in two shots.

Shirt of the Week: By Maura

Hot pink boob advertisement shirt logo aka TITvertising.

Obscure Misc.:

Figuring out the thermodynamic properties of beer.

I don't know what category this was meant for, so its now the SUPER Obscure Misc.:

"You get the boob."

Well with that being said, Josh was the big winner of the week and has chosen Barnum Park, located somewhere near 3rd & Hooker. 

Everyone is moving or out of town this weekend, so Im not really sure if there will be a Tournament, stay tuned into your email for details from Dave S. 

Also, we are having a small shin-dig for Boyd & Sheena's bday's at our house, Saturday, August 2nd. If you wanna stop by, come and see me next week and I will give you more details.

My random thought to keep you entertained... JC is still missing. This could be the start of a new category, Where is JC?: This week I'm going to say that JC was tied up in a phone call from the FDA in regards to the recent salmonella scare. They just wanted to clarify the difference between falapano's and jalapenos.

See you next week!

Garbanzo

Once again, I fucked up. I did remember to bring the paper and pen to the game, however I failed to write down most everything that happened. Dave even let me borrow this really cool pen that lights up so I could write in the dark!

So I have an idea for next week, I'm going to buy a piece of tag board, and attach a pen. It will be located by the beer, so anytime you feel like writing something down, please do so. It would be awesome to include any announcements one might have, i.e. engagements, marriages, bbq's, birthdays... whatev.

It will be the first community blog, and if all goes well, and people enjoy it, maybe it will become permanent!

Speaking of the NSCC community,  just in case some people their feelings all hurt last weeks game, the TRUE team picture for the season, INCLUDING MAURA, will be taken at Washington Park. So that means, one of the winners will have to call it, and make it happen. The picture that we did take was for fun, thank you to everyone who isn't allergic.

Top 5:

1. The return of Kristine!

2. The girls free-birding the ladies room onto their course.

3. Boyd getting stuck in the hole in front of his wicket like a million times.

4. Josh not understanding my joke, he said "just put it on the top 5", followed by a high 5.

5. Mike G. getting worked by Jake. DO WORK SON!

Slogan of the Week: By Kristine, Steph and Savanna

If you get me, you get me. If you don't, you don't. Its cro-logic.

Tip of the Week: By Carly

Play croquet. If someone asks for advise, give it. But if you want to be a coach,... find an after school program.

Douche-bag of the Week: By Carly

The porta-potty and the hill to the porta-potty.

Hero of the Week:

So while I've been sitting here trying to think of shit to write, because as I mentioned earlier, I gots nothing, I asked Jake for a hero of the week. He said "Me (as in himself), cause I rocked Mike G., and then went for a run." Maybe Jake should have been the douche.

Things I shouldn't have overheard, isn't going to happen, cause I didn't write down anything I overheard.

NEW! Gettin' Those Digits:

Tim with his puppy. That thing is a total chick magnet!

Let's Get O.G.:

Remember when Dave Bergonz fell out of the tree at Zuni?

We have officially CLOSED the photo booth for the player cards. To all of you who refused to have your picture taken, I don't feel bad that you wont get a card. Ha ha!

So I need to finish this somehow, and I'm not sure what to say. Jake was supposed to be helping me, but now he is wandering around our house. The best thing I could think of, was talking shit about Jake. 

See you all next week at Richard-Hart Estate!

It Must Have Been the Roses

The lesson that Dave and I can agree on that we learned this week is always for the love of the game, remember a pen and paper. This has had to have been the most difficult blog that I have ever written, solely based on emails that went back and forth between Dave and I today. I will apologize right off the bat for anything that is not included in this blog that you thought was of the upmost importance to share. Please feel free to leave hate mail, or even something I left out in the comments section.

This weeks game was at the lovely Sunken Gardens. Thankfully Julie escaped torment from any 14 year old boys and JC. By the way, where is JC these days? Someone assemble a search party! Leave no falapano behind!

Next week I will be getting player card pictures for anyone that wasn't able to make it to the game. I will track you down and get your picture! Don't think you can slip by me! Plus, when the cards are finished, you can show them off to all your co-workers, and play the "don't you wish you where me" card. EVERYONE likes a one-upper. (That's for you Maura!)

You will notice that there has been three new categories for this weeks blog edition. Rule clarification of the Week, because there is always something controversial going on, Let's Get O.G., a need for nostalgia, and That Sounds Good!, a brain-stormed recipe that could sell for millions of dollars on the black market. Enjoy!

Top 5:

1. Eric's beer getting hit by a fly by, and flipped right side up. Followed by Eric yelling "I'm still standing!"

2. The 6 poison game. Each player ended up being poison!

3. Jake getting "the worst bounce of the season"

4. Takin' it to the rocks.

5.  The wicket in the homeless shitter.

Slogan of the Week: By Carly and Margaret

"You don't want to be the backstop. The backstop gets used to make baskets."

Douche-bags of the Week:

Everyone who didn't bring beer, and then let Eric go on the beer run. (I brought beer, so I'm clear of the douche-bag-ness this week! SUCKAS!)

Hero of the Week:

Maura, for holding up the blanket anytime one of us girls needed to pee in the bush!

Rule Clarification of the Week:

There is only one way to get three shots in one turn. Hitting through two wickets AND hitting a ball in the SAME SHOT!

Tip of the Week:

Don't ask Dave for Rule Clarifications. (You could have had four shots)

Conversations I shouldn't have heard!:

Poops to Maura "I should have taken advantage of you last night when you where drunk, ...NO that's not what I mean!, I meant because I had a camera."

Let's Get O.G.: By Eric

1. Bring Beer and 2. FINISH YOUR GAME! - These are the two original rules from when the league was first formed, and Eric thought that we all should be reminded.

That Sounds Good!"

The "Irish Taco", its is a baked potato, split in half to resemble a taco shell, stuffed with corned beef and cabbage. Truly an amazing sight!`

AJ was the winner, he's called Zuni Park as the next landing pad.

I guess this blog didn't turn out to be as bad as I thought it was going to be. It truly goes to show, that even though we forgot a pot to piss in, it was better than a homeless shitter.

See you all next week!

Who Are You???

I have no idea who the band is on the cover art for this weeks poster. Anyone, anyone? Im guessing that Shane had a really good day yesterday, because not only did he make it onto the top 5 twice, he's also part of the slogan of the week. Someone was drinking too much joint juice I suppose. 

For you drunkards and potheads that need a reminder, Sunday there's going to be a Tournament/BBQ at Carly and Kevin's. If you have never participated in the tourney, I must tell you, its a great time. The game takes a really really really really long time, but its all worth it. It's $5.00 to enter, 3rd place gets their money back, 2nd place gets $15.00, and 1st place takes the purse. Plus we BBQ and drink all day long. Maybe if we are all good little girls and boys, there will be fireworks! To famously quote Eric, "Lets light some shit on fire!"

Top 7: (There where far too many moments this week not to post them)

1. Joint Juice from the Suzuki girls.

2. Shane getting poison before any of his team members where halfway.

3. Porta Potti... Occupied? or Italian?

4. Shane refusing a free hat because it was "too white".

5. BCH not showing up to the game because they where all holding hands at the Stevie Wonder concert. (this on is not my doing, I just report the news people)

6. Red, White & Blue, for Thanksgiving. (thanks to Savannah for letting me write that down)

7. The kick-ballers kicking Kevin's ball back to him during the poison battle. (gosh that was a lot of k's)

Slogan of the Week: By AJ

"I try to hump Shane, because he's awesome."

Something I Overheard:

"When is the equinox?" "Like 3 weeks ago." "That's not very pagan of you!"

Tip of the Week: By Marika

Don't think about bending the wicket, think about bending the world.

NEW! Healthy Habits: By Boyd

1. Always wear chesticle protection.

2. 4 funbags are a good time.

Douche-Bag of the Wee:

Gen's mallot, and the kickball players for rousting Marika!

Hope to see you all at the tournament, lets win some money! Next weeks game is at Sunken Gardens, so lets see what crazy people talk to us and fall in love with Julie this time!