Game 7- Sunken Gardens (Now with 10% Less Bums!)
Results:
Kelly !! - 2 (Game Winner, Big Winner)
John S. - 1 (GW)
Mike G. - 1 (GW)
Mikey L. - 1 (GW)
Melanie - 1 (GW)
Standings:
A.J. - 8
Red - 3
Josh - 3
Poops - 3
Mike G. - 3
Mike L. - 3
John S. - 2
Temuchin - 2
Eric - 2
Zach - 2
Carly- 2
Kelly - 2
Kevin - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Frankie - 1
Julie - 1
Dave - 1
Doug - 1
Melonie - 1
--------------------------------
Congrats to Kelly, a.k.a. 'A.J.-Slayer' for forgoing the bounds and bastions of love and promptly beating the shit out of her boyfriend. Way to go Kel!
Not only did she kill AJ in her own game and thwarted his Hat Trick, but she fought on to win the Poison Battle -and the right to pick our next Thunderdome at....well, see if you can solve Dave's Riddle of Madness to find out!
Game 7 is officially in the books. It was a little soggy at the beginning but turned into a hot mess later with people shedding clothes like dirty hippies at an Askimbo concert. I'm starting to sound like a broken record with this weather we're having: Soak early, warm dry to finish, rinse, repeat.
We saw some new faces, and old friends return. The rain ran off the bums but they left mementos to remember them by...
Highlights!
-John and Sonia return from Mexico. John marked his return by playing like he never left. He glided through the course and killed everyone in our game to raise his overall point total to 2, which places him in a six-way-tie for 3rd place. Sonia wasn't too shabby neither and nearly poison-wicket-killed A.J. herself. If John can keep himself out of school, can he make a late run for a three-peat? *shudder*
- Also in the Late-Bloomer category Mike G. won his game. I don't know anything else about this game other than Mike won... Horseshit.
- Vivian's friend Joie (pronounced Joey) played her first game ever and provided her first ever highlight by being her own halfpipe when her ball ricocheted off a rock and rolled up her body. She meant to do that, by the way.
- Dave discovered where the bums hide their gold. Way to go Dave, you always had a nose for these things.
- 2 Square with a tiny ball. I think Mike declared himself champion of this wack-ass-game. Good work Mike, when it comes to tiny balls you're truly a champion.
-Also if you turn to Part 10, subsection 2 in your NSCC rules manual you'll see that it actually says you CAN bring beer to croquet.
Dave In Ear Shot - "Shitter on the Rocks!"
Tourney Time!
We will have our first proper tournament of the season this Sunday at 1:00 at Mike and Margaret's house. Bring Your Own Everything. That includes but is not limited to zoo animals and bazookas and fire trucks and priests and drugs and booze! There will be a $5 buy in.
"Batman: The Riddler is loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums"
-From The 60's Batman TV show.
The park we're playing this week, it has quite a curious history
How it became the way it is, is a bit of a mystery.
It's thought there was a farmer, who dug a well and went to bed.
the next day went out to his field, and found a lake instead.
We've not taken advantage, of this parks immense size.
This year lets give the tennis folk, a croquet club surprise
But there's two different courts you say, which one should I choose?
The first part of our name, should supply the relevant clues.
It may be the PBR talking but the PBR says see you there
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Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Your the Best Around! Nothing's Gonna Ever Keep You Down!
Game 6 - Zuni Park
Results:
A.J. - 2 (Game Winner, Big Winner)
Mikey - 1 (GW)
Dave - 1 (GW)
Doug -1 (GW)
Standings:
A.J. - 8
Red - 3
Josh - 3
Poops - 3
Mike G. - 2
Temuchin - 2
Eric - 2
Zach - 2
Carly- 2
Mike L. - 2
Kevin - 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Frankie - 1
Julie - 1
Dave - 1
Doug - 1
Something deep is stirring, the drums are beating, It has awoken.
Producing blogs about people playing croquet badly is an easy venture. Add a couple of drunks falling flat on their faces, a dash of Red doing anything, and top it off with some knucklehead falling out of a tree and you've cooked up a nice, entertaining, funny feature. But when someone is playing great the muse is reticent.
I overheard some suggest placing a curse or at least some "bad vibes" on A.J. This will not work. A.J. has already taken the necessary steps to insure protection from such jinxes. The tale as told is a good one - let's unlock this further, come with me, won't you?
PART 1.
A.J. was already aware of his talent at croquet. He could amass a few points here and there with a good shot at challenging for 1st place. But this was not good enough, and AJ knew that if he wanted to achieve complete victory and dominate his opponents he would need an even greater strength. A divine strength. And AJ knew just where to get it.
Meanwhile, high above in the heavenly abodes of Asgard, the warrior-god Tyr sat upon his throne of ice and wolf's hide. Tyr -One-Handed, paused while imbibing his mead as if hearing faint whispers rise and die on the wind. Gulping down the rest of his mead, the Warrior God felt it settle in his iron belly with the uneasy alloy of forbode and vicissitude.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Okay so before I get to the highlights let me just say: I suggest we all make an effort, to you know, PLAY and not just roll over and with exposed tummies simply hand A.J. the trophy. Someone needs to start going on a run and needs to start like, yesterday. As I see it, no matter your score, we're ALL in second place now. But there is plenty of croquet left.
Highlights!
- Proof that God plays croquet or at least is a Northsider: Just as the games started up, the rain broke and the rest of the night was clear and cool.
- Kelly stuck on the mound of mulch. Not so much stuck as she was USED by EVERYONE in her game to get through the mound of mulch wicket. I think she set up a total of 200 times but was knocked out of place just so some fool could go through. Next time Kelly, forgo the wicket and just chase everyone and send them into any street, pool of water or bush available.
- Birthday at croquet with Shane. We may not have broken into song this time but I think a card was passed around along with some gin!
- Mike G's debut of his new mallet. A fine piece of woodwork. Unfortunately, his sad devotion to his mallet didn't help him win his game or conjure up the stolen data tapes or give him clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress...
-An old lesbian couple walked up to Stephanie and asked if we were performing a "team building exercise"
Morally Conscious Reader: How do you know they were Lesbian?
Me: Because the dogs they were walking were gay and the bigger one challenge me to arm wrestle.
Morally Conscious Reader: What do you mean, old?
Me: Hey, age ain't nuthin' but a number, but I think one of them was George Washington.
Mikey In Ear Shot x2! -- "Hey...your dog's got Little Caesar's!" and "That sounded like the thrust of Thor!"
Dave's Riddle (The Return)
Once again the location to next weeks game will be revealed IF you can solve this riddle:
They say it's a garden, but the flowers are missing.
Instead you get homeless dudes, shitting and pissing.
Those must be the graduates, all heading forth,
from the only high school, that was crappier than North.
So meet by the rocks which makes this park unique.
We'll run off the homeless dude, taking a leak.
We'll play a late game, lit by ambulance light.
And when it's all over, we'll watch a bum fight!
Go Team.
Results:
A.J. - 2 (Game Winner, Big Winner)
Mikey - 1 (GW)
Dave - 1 (GW)
Doug -1 (GW)
Standings:
A.J. - 8
Red - 3
Josh - 3
Poops - 3
Mike G. - 2
Temuchin - 2
Eric - 2
Zach - 2
Carly- 2
Mike L. - 2
Kevin - 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Frankie - 1
Julie - 1
Dave - 1
Doug - 1
Something deep is stirring, the drums are beating, It has awoken.
Producing blogs about people playing croquet badly is an easy venture. Add a couple of drunks falling flat on their faces, a dash of Red doing anything, and top it off with some knucklehead falling out of a tree and you've cooked up a nice, entertaining, funny feature. But when someone is playing great the muse is reticent.
I overheard some suggest placing a curse or at least some "bad vibes" on A.J. This will not work. A.J. has already taken the necessary steps to insure protection from such jinxes. The tale as told is a good one - let's unlock this further, come with me, won't you?
PART 1.
A.J. was already aware of his talent at croquet. He could amass a few points here and there with a good shot at challenging for 1st place. But this was not good enough, and AJ knew that if he wanted to achieve complete victory and dominate his opponents he would need an even greater strength. A divine strength. And AJ knew just where to get it.
Meanwhile, high above in the heavenly abodes of Asgard, the warrior-god Tyr sat upon his throne of ice and wolf's hide. Tyr -One-Handed, paused while imbibing his mead as if hearing faint whispers rise and die on the wind. Gulping down the rest of his mead, the Warrior God felt it settle in his iron belly with the uneasy alloy of forbode and vicissitude.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Okay so before I get to the highlights let me just say: I suggest we all make an effort, to you know, PLAY and not just roll over and with exposed tummies simply hand A.J. the trophy. Someone needs to start going on a run and needs to start like, yesterday. As I see it, no matter your score, we're ALL in second place now. But there is plenty of croquet left.
Highlights!
- Proof that God plays croquet or at least is a Northsider: Just as the games started up, the rain broke and the rest of the night was clear and cool.
- Kelly stuck on the mound of mulch. Not so much stuck as she was USED by EVERYONE in her game to get through the mound of mulch wicket. I think she set up a total of 200 times but was knocked out of place just so some fool could go through. Next time Kelly, forgo the wicket and just chase everyone and send them into any street, pool of water or bush available.
- Birthday at croquet with Shane. We may not have broken into song this time but I think a card was passed around along with some gin!
- Mike G's debut of his new mallet. A fine piece of woodwork. Unfortunately, his sad devotion to his mallet didn't help him win his game or conjure up the stolen data tapes or give him clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress...
-An old lesbian couple walked up to Stephanie and asked if we were performing a "team building exercise"
Morally Conscious Reader: How do you know they were Lesbian?
Me: Because the dogs they were walking were gay and the bigger one challenge me to arm wrestle.
Morally Conscious Reader: What do you mean, old?
Me: Hey, age ain't nuthin' but a number, but I think one of them was George Washington.
Mikey In Ear Shot x2! -- "Hey...your dog's got Little Caesar's!" and "That sounded like the thrust of Thor!"
Dave's Riddle (The Return)
Once again the location to next weeks game will be revealed IF you can solve this riddle:
They say it's a garden, but the flowers are missing.
Instead you get homeless dudes, shitting and pissing.
Those must be the graduates, all heading forth,
from the only high school, that was crappier than North.
So meet by the rocks which makes this park unique.
We'll run off the homeless dude, taking a leak.
We'll play a late game, lit by ambulance light.
And when it's all over, we'll watch a bum fight!
Go Team.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Dawn of the Dead
Game 5 - City of Cuernavaca Park
Results:
A.J. - 2 (Game Winner, Big Winner)
Zach - 1 (GW)
Poops - 1 (GW)
Julie - 1 (GW)
Carly - 1 (GW)
Standings:
A.J. - 6
Red - 3
Josh - 3
Poops - 3
Mike G. - 2
Temuchin - 2
Eric - 2
Zach - 2
Carly- 2
Kevin - 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Frankie - 1
Mike L. - 1
Julie - 1
Once more with feeling - Three cheers for John and Sonia and a truly splendid ceremony. Way to get hitched in style guys. We countered the old sorcery from turning our carriages back into pumpkins and salsaed until the early 'morn. Or at least till 9:30. Enjoy the days enduring you crazy kids. And in honor of your magical mystery honeymoon to Mexico we decided to play at a park named after a city in Mexico. (Okay not really, but just tell them that we they get home)
Ah Cuernavaca, lying in the shadow of a once crumbling silo, phased into luxury.
Cuernavaca, you cradle budding yuppies who, in their matching shirts and Heinken, automate in some pre-mating ritual known to layman's as "kick-ball."
But buried deep within you is a dark secret; and once a year those who remember your former ruins, surface and stalk your sacred grounds to drink heavily, play croquet, and leave your port-a-potties in a terrible decay unfit for subhumans. The yuppies, used to their conformity, weep and cower in befuddlement until we submerge once more.
A.J. Boyd has now taken a commanding 6 point lead. Since he was in my game I feel a little responsible for this, as I was also poison at one point. However, I was unaware that A.J.'s ball was carved out of the same wood as Chuck Norris's balls and AJ's ball proceeded to kick my ball in the nuts. The end.
Highlights!
Instead of our usual quick review of highlights I'm trying something a little different this time. A message was delivered to me by Pony Express. It was written on cardboard torn from a case of Pabst. A little hard to decipher the writings of what I assume was a drunk Irishman, yet I will try to translate here:
-'"You are an affirmation" - E.O.' I think the 'E.O.' stands for Eric Orr. But who is this mysterious "affirmation"? The easy assumption would be me, but I transcended affirmation months ago and became infallible. So, who could it be...
-'"you are an asshole"- D.K.' This has to be Doug. And being Doug, the 'asshole' just might be the asshole in every single one of us.
-"u cant spell" - That's just ironical.
-"America"
-"Generic"
-"without Eric"
I would like to solve the puzzle: Things that would be incomplete without Eric.
Christine In Ear Shot - "Spilled Beer = Libation for the Earth!"
Yes, she actually pronounced the "=" sign in some sort of binary language that can't be spoken with the human tongue. It resembles the same high-pitched, electronic whirring sound that an old modem emits while connecting online.
Next week - Zuni Park
See you there.
Results:
A.J. - 2 (Game Winner, Big Winner)
Zach - 1 (GW)
Poops - 1 (GW)
Julie - 1 (GW)
Carly - 1 (GW)
Standings:
A.J. - 6
Red - 3
Josh - 3
Poops - 3
Mike G. - 2
Temuchin - 2
Eric - 2
Zach - 2
Carly- 2
Kevin - 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Frankie - 1
Mike L. - 1
Julie - 1
Once more with feeling - Three cheers for John and Sonia and a truly splendid ceremony. Way to get hitched in style guys. We countered the old sorcery from turning our carriages back into pumpkins and salsaed until the early 'morn. Or at least till 9:30. Enjoy the days enduring you crazy kids. And in honor of your magical mystery honeymoon to Mexico we decided to play at a park named after a city in Mexico. (Okay not really, but just tell them that we they get home)
Ah Cuernavaca, lying in the shadow of a once crumbling silo, phased into luxury.
Cuernavaca, you cradle budding yuppies who, in their matching shirts and Heinken, automate in some pre-mating ritual known to layman's as "kick-ball."
But buried deep within you is a dark secret; and once a year those who remember your former ruins, surface and stalk your sacred grounds to drink heavily, play croquet, and leave your port-a-potties in a terrible decay unfit for subhumans. The yuppies, used to their conformity, weep and cower in befuddlement until we submerge once more.
A.J. Boyd has now taken a commanding 6 point lead. Since he was in my game I feel a little responsible for this, as I was also poison at one point. However, I was unaware that A.J.'s ball was carved out of the same wood as Chuck Norris's balls and AJ's ball proceeded to kick my ball in the nuts. The end.
Highlights!
Instead of our usual quick review of highlights I'm trying something a little different this time. A message was delivered to me by Pony Express. It was written on cardboard torn from a case of Pabst. A little hard to decipher the writings of what I assume was a drunk Irishman, yet I will try to translate here:
-'"You are an affirmation" - E.O.' I think the 'E.O.' stands for Eric Orr. But who is this mysterious "affirmation"? The easy assumption would be me, but I transcended affirmation months ago and became infallible. So, who could it be...
-'"you are an asshole"- D.K.' This has to be Doug. And being Doug, the 'asshole' just might be the asshole in every single one of us.
-"u cant spell" - That's just ironical.
-"America"
-"Generic"
-"without Eric"
I would like to solve the puzzle: Things that would be incomplete without Eric.
Christine In Ear Shot - "Spilled Beer = Libation for the Earth!"
Yes, she actually pronounced the "=" sign in some sort of binary language that can't be spoken with the human tongue. It resembles the same high-pitched, electronic whirring sound that an old modem emits while connecting online.
Next week - Zuni Park
See you there.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Movin' On Up
Game 4 - Jefferson Park
Just to note: Heaps of praise and kudos to Adam and Sheena and their tremendous wedding on Sunday. A splendid time had by all. And what a reception, everyone beat the drum with such effusive happiness as we called the sun out and made the rain our bitch.
Results:
Poops - Game Winner, Big Winner
Temuchin- GW
Eric - GW, And Birthday boy. (no points will be awarded due to date of croquet falling upon the yearly observance of your parturition. Thank you.)
Carly - GW
A.J. - Poison Wicket Kill (of his own brother no less)
Standings:
A.J. - 4
Red - 3
Josh - 3
Mike G. - 2
Temuchin - 2
Eric - 2
Poops - 2
Kevin - 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Frankie - 1
Zach - 1
Mike L. - 1
Carly -1
And the book says, "we may be through with the winter, but the winter ain't through with us." Now I could launch off into Tirade about Colorado weather and it's unpredictability, blah, blah, blah, but as natives this attrition has worn our interests to the nub. Maybe it was just retribution for the nice weather during Lucero.
Whatever the case, it was wet and cold but we played on and even managed a little frisbie in between.
Highlights!
-Eric's Birthday party!!! Now that Askimbo has gone the way of the dodo, perhaps this can become the new birthday celebration. If your birthday falls out of season, tough titty. Anyway, there was singing, presents, candles and cake. Even the ever-carper Eric had to crack a smile and took to wearing a "Happy Birthday" sash the rest of the game. This sash granted him the Powers of Grayskull and Sight Beyond Sight to win his game, but ultimately forsook him in the Poison Battle to Spoiler-Carly. She didn't mean it. Honestly. I think.
- Highlights? What highlights? It was fucking cold and the ground was soaking, goddamn wet. You want something positive? Here:
Hero of the Game: Eric (see above)
Everyone in Ear Shot - "Happy Birthday to Ericccccccc!"
So as I go to print here, still no riddle from Dave. S'alright, I understand he's probably busy these days.
Game 5 - City of Cuernavaca Park
See you there.
Just to note: Heaps of praise and kudos to Adam and Sheena and their tremendous wedding on Sunday. A splendid time had by all. And what a reception, everyone beat the drum with such effusive happiness as we called the sun out and made the rain our bitch.
Results:
Poops - Game Winner, Big Winner
Temuchin- GW
Eric - GW, And Birthday boy. (no points will be awarded due to date of croquet falling upon the yearly observance of your parturition. Thank you.)
Carly - GW
A.J. - Poison Wicket Kill (of his own brother no less)
Standings:
A.J. - 4
Red - 3
Josh - 3
Mike G. - 2
Temuchin - 2
Eric - 2
Poops - 2
Kevin - 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Frankie - 1
Zach - 1
Mike L. - 1
Carly -1
And the book says, "we may be through with the winter, but the winter ain't through with us." Now I could launch off into Tirade about Colorado weather and it's unpredictability, blah, blah, blah, but as natives this attrition has worn our interests to the nub. Maybe it was just retribution for the nice weather during Lucero.
Whatever the case, it was wet and cold but we played on and even managed a little frisbie in between.
Highlights!
-Eric's Birthday party!!! Now that Askimbo has gone the way of the dodo, perhaps this can become the new birthday celebration. If your birthday falls out of season, tough titty. Anyway, there was singing, presents, candles and cake. Even the ever-carper Eric had to crack a smile and took to wearing a "Happy Birthday" sash the rest of the game. This sash granted him the Powers of Grayskull and Sight Beyond Sight to win his game, but ultimately forsook him in the Poison Battle to Spoiler-Carly. She didn't mean it. Honestly. I think.
- Highlights? What highlights? It was fucking cold and the ground was soaking, goddamn wet. You want something positive? Here:
Hero of the Game: Eric (see above)
Everyone in Ear Shot - "Happy Birthday to Ericccccccc!"
So as I go to print here, still no riddle from Dave. S'alright, I understand he's probably busy these days.
Game 5 - City of Cuernavaca Park
See you there.
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