Thursday, May 28, 2009

The River Wild

Game 3- Ralston Grove Park

Results
A.J. - 2 Big Winner, Game Winner
Josh - 1 Poison Wicket Kill
Zach - 1 GW
Mike G. - 1 GW
Mike L. - 1 GW

Standings
Red- 3 points
Josh - 3 Points
A.J. - 3 Points
Mike G - 2 Points
Kevin - 1
Temuchin- 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Jake - 1
Eric - 1
Zach - 1
Mike L. - 1


As a member of the North Side Croquet Club it seems at times we are bound by some mystical circle that anchors our very souls to the earth bordered by 1-25, 1-70, Wadsworth and Speer. Then one of our flock remembers it's in our nature to explore this land's hidden mysteries and parks. Kudos to Josh for finding a pretty cool fucking place to play. Nestled in a sleepy neighborhood in Arvada, Ralston Cove provided unusually shaped trees, rolling hills and a raging creek (more on that later). In the shadow of a retirement community whose inhabitants looked down with longing eyes and golden re-call until, that is, Zach said he might go pee right in front of their window.

Highlights!

-Low attendance. Okay not a highlight but worth mention for the quick games and halftime at the same time for everyone.


-Viv's "It was pimp style" Shot - With one shot Viv went through the halfway wicket, hit the post and came back through. Did I mention the wicket and post were resting on large tree stump about a foot and half off the ground?

-The Nature lovers or GPS-cheating-scavenger-hunters. This group of 5 or more strangers were just staring at trees near our game. Who were they? What did they want? Luckily, Josh was able to speak there language and soon deduced that they meant no harm. He began to integrate himself into their customs and courtesies, agent provocateur, soon he shall lift the veil from their eyes, soon he shall lead them from scavenger to legion, soon they shall rise their numbers darkening the horizon, soon they will jump-start the engine that ends the empire.
and that my friends, that is when his real work will begin...

Zach In Ear Shot - "Right in the nipple!"

Hero of the Game
Phil
Thankfully, John was able to capture on camera Phil's might.
I suggest you watch it.
Here's a quick preview:
In a world where Carly's ball was helplessly bobbing down a raging creek, Phil knew that he and he alone could save it, with a move that was powered by awesome, Phil leapt over the creek to the other shore. Then, his trusty partner Mikey Lyons called to Phil and hurled him a mallet, everyone watched in awe as the mallet spun through the air for what seemed like an eternity until caught! By Phil! He raised the mallet to the sky and roared with triumph as he called lightning out of the sky to smite his enemies. Then he used the mallet to get Carly's ball out of the water.


Boyd's Bullshit Hall of Fame-
If you're setting up the course and you're wickets look like this: YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!




P.S. The bullshit of these wicket set-ups was so immense that Boyd's camera couldn't handle their bullshittery and the rest of his pics came out all blurry.
Just remember what your elders told you, "sometimes, the old magic is best."


And finally, Dave has written a riddle to all who decided not to come. The answer is the name of next week's park.
See you there.

Well this park's namesake knocked up his slaves,
Was the first to suggest the removal of braves,
Though he talked a good game about abolition,
The slaves that he owned never left that condition.
And the park itself, was also full of shit,
in that it was a landfill, then we remade it
On the north side of town, this park was the first,
And it's finally fun, since the cops have dispersed

Friday, May 22, 2009

Coke Blocked

Game 2 - Vigil Park/Virgil Park/Globeville Landing -The park with an Identity Crisis

Josh - (2) Game Winner; Big Winner
Jess - (1) Game Winner
Boyd - (1) Game Winner
Jake - (1) Game Winner
Eric - (1) Poison Wicket Kill
A.J. - (1) Poison Wicket Kill

STANDINGS-
Red- 3 points
Josh -2
Mike G.- 1
Kevin - 1
Temuchin- 1
John S. - 1
Jess - 1
Boyd - 1
Jake - 1
Eric - 1
A.J. - 1


First off, big apology for the lateness here -- I want these blogs to be out by Thursday, at the least. That there's my plan...anyway on with Game 2-

The ianuary season continues to emerge from it's hollow, taking its first teetering steps, eyes squinting into the sun. However, everyone on Tuesday seemed to be in mid-season form. Big plays, Big games, Big laughs, Big drinkers it's going to be a good '09. I hate to see the same names on the scoreboard, but it's early yet. Anyway, the games began with a crack of thunder and a quick rain delay, which was just God's way of saying "Shit. Hold up, I need to bocce!"

Highlights:

- The Yellow Game --All yellow balls, all yellow wickets, all yellow-rat-bastards. Why! Why not?
I sure hope no one caught Jaundice in that game.

- Shane playing with one foot in a cast and on crutches. Not much of a highlight in itself but then he managed to dodge a shot blasted by Josh (accidentally), without falling or dropping an ounce of his beer. Shane should be proud, but it wasn't enough to secure him Hero of the Game.

-Tequila!

-Mike denied Poison by a discarded Coke can.

Hero Of The Game- Geoff Orr.

Denny (Nick's dog) was tied to a post under the promenade, when without warning or reason decided he had enough of this cruel world or "scent + squirrel=chase!" and jumped up and over the big wall. The bundle of black fur, held taught by a cheap $5 collar that was now the very noose squeezing the life out of his body; when suddenly out of nowhere Geoff leapt down and lifted Denny back onto the bench and to safety. Another day saved, the hero humbly whispered, "no problem," then shot straight into the sky to stop the moon from crashing into the earth.


Jess In Ear Shot- "I felt my ball quiver!" We all did Jess, we all did.

NEXT GAME-
I haven't received the riddle from Dave regarding the location of next weeks game, so I have to do it myself again -

When traveling west
A forgotten key will complete your quest

Ralston Cove Park
58th and Independence

See you there.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Croquet est mortuus, porro ago croquet

Game 1- Apel-Bacher
Red- 3 points. / 1-poison wicket kill/ 1-game winner/ 1-overall game winner
Yeah, you read that right.
Mike G.- 1 point game winner
Kevin - 1 point game winner
Temuchin- 1 point game winner
John S. - 1 point game winner
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Out of the treacherous drifts of everwinter the Northside Croquet Club emerged with PBR in our clutches, and as a thicket of mallets were raised to the sky a reveille was heard: GAME ON! After a short preseason that saw us visit only 3 parks, the steadfast Wolf Park; the haunted grounds on which a carousel once stood and Mosquito park; which I think deserves a name change to just The Island. 'Cause for most of us, like the Island on Lost, even if you've been there before you can never remember how to get back. It's when you stop looking for it that Mosquito Park finds you.

Preseason saw it's share of highlights. First off - Let's hear it for Tashina and her crafty invention, Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: "The Girlunal"Now NSCC ladies can fear neither lack of restroom facilities or evergreen bushes.Tashina already deserves MVP for her contribution.

Other highlights of preseason:Preseason Game I (Wolf Park) - The introduction of Kevin's Beer Belt, this fancy beer holster will keep Kev the fastest drinker in the west.

PS Game II (Carousel Park Eliches) - Kevin sitting on, then breaking, then repairing Tyler's bike.
-Zach doesn't play by your rules. Fucker.
-Boyd's ricochet of the wall back through Deme's legs shot. (Not Funny)
-The figure eight course that was neither a figure, an eight nor a course.

PS Game III- Mosquito Park The ISLAND!!
-Laura Schiavone took a break from conquering the MMA circuit and her training from an undisclosed location deep in the jungles of Thailand to join us for some croquet.
-Marika doesn't play by your rules.
-DOGS!
-Poops: Even a cashed Poops is still a dangerous animal
-Stephanie's infa-red scope/headlamp
-Mikey Lyons In Ear Shot. :"Watch your rabbit turd A.J.!"


Game 1 Highlights:
-Dave's Bitch Wicket: A wicket wedged between two trees
-Krisha's kick shot that she managed to pull off without actually striking the mallet with her foot. "It just flicked up and hit the ball!" -Krisha
-Kevin's double wicket shot UP a hill for Poison from downtown.
-Kevin blasted in the chest by Tashina's ball. "She hit me in the goddamn solar plexus!" -Kevin


I know Dave was proposing a riddle with the answer being the next park as penance for those who don't stay until the end, so I'll do this one for Game 2.
Game 2 -At Virgil Park. Near the Pepsi Cola Bottling Company.

What?
See you there.

P.S. As we surge forward into the season, rants/raves/suggestions/ideas are always welcome for this blog.